


all i want is love that lasts (is all i want  too much to ask?)

by delorange



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M, Oop, TW: Mention of death, callum doesn't know, specifically that of heather
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:13:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delorange/pseuds/delorange
Summary: Ben has something he wants - no, needs - to get off his chest. (no, it’s not his shirt.)
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	all i want is love that lasts (is all i want  too much to ask?)

**Author's Note:**

> callum doesn’t know ben killed heather (that’s kinda the whole premise for this short one lol)
> 
> i would be open to doing a part 2 to this if anyone wants? but i mean this could be 724 words of crap, just lmk
> 
> all mistakes are my own, enjoy! :)
> 
> ps. the title is from all i want by olivia rodrigo from the high school musical series! i haven’t seen it but the soundtrack is brilliant, this song in particular brings a tear to my eye every time!

Ben reached over Callum's leg, pausing the film they were watching to great protest. He had been building up to this moment for a long time - it could make or break their relationship. Staring off to the door, he wondered how quick it would take him to get there if Callum reacted badly. Not that he would be surprised, mind you. 

He was broken from his thoughts by a whine. "Babe! It was just getting to the good bit!" Callum's scrunched up face made Ben giggle a little, and he pressed a kiss to the older man's lips. His smile faded when he pulled away, the sincerity he so often struggled with coming easily in that moment. 

"I need to tell you something."

Callum ruffled his hair with a smile. "Anything, Ben, you could tell me anything and it wouldn't matter." Callum was so innocent and trusting, it made Ben's heart swell. At Ben's silence, Callum frowned. 

"Ben, what's wro-" Ben watched realisation dawn on Callum's face, and wondered how he knew. Was it Lola? Jay? Hopefully not, hopefully it was someone he wouldn't feel bad about beating to a pulp. Callum pushed him away, scooting over to the other end of the sofa. "Oh. Who?"

Ben gasped, face stricken with panic. He rushed to take Callum's face in his hands, peppering it with reassuring kisses. It felt wrong, given what he was about to admit, but it comforted Callum, at least for the time being. "No! No, Cal, I didn't cheat on you! I love you, I would never, oh my god, please never worry about that with me." Ben rested his forehead against Callum's, leaning up for another kiss. "I love you so much." He whispered. 

Callum sighed deeply. "What happened, Ben? Is it Lola? Is it Lexi? Is she hurt? Is-" The alarm rose in his voice with every question. Ben was unable to get a word in edgeways. He just wanted to tell Callum, before his streak of courage disappeared. 

"Callum would you just shut up for one second!" His face dropped in horror as Callum stared blankly. He just snapped at his boyfriend, one of his favourite people in the world, for absolutely no reason. He hated this Ben, the old Ben. The Ben he was about to share with Callum, for the very first time. 

He pulled the taller man into his chest, with some difficulty, tears welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry, babe, I didn't mean it like that, I just want to get it out." Callum remained silent, looking up at Ben for him to continue. 

Ben played with Callum's hair in an effort to distract himself. "You know how I did time when I was younger?" Callum nodded. "Do you know why?"

Callum sat up straight, but he was still entangled in Ben's embrace. "Yeah, all them dodgy deals an' that."

Ben shook his head. Bile rose in his throat. "No, they started after I got out. I met Tubbs inside, remember?"

Callum squinted in confusion. "Oh yeah, I'd never really thought about that before... so what was it for?"

Ben took a deep breath, kissing Cal one more time. He tried to remember the feeling of Callum's lips on his, the tingling sensation they left, in case the whole thing went pear shaped. "Cal... I killed someone."

Ben waited with bated breath. Callum stood up slowly, silently. His face was blank, uncomprehending. "You..."

"It was manslaughter, I swear, I didn't mean it, but I-" Ben tried to explain, but Callum stopped his ramblings, voice cracking.

"You killed someone?" Ben nodded weakly, tears now flowing freely. Callum rubbed the scruff on his face in disbelief. "I... I need... to..." He trailed off, slamming the door on his way out.

Ben let out a loud sob, breaking down right there on the couch. He knew Callum wouldn't be able to handle it, not after Ben'd promised to go good. The thing with Heather happened before, obviously, but Callum's world was so good. He'd thought Ben was good enough for that world, somehow, even with all the petty crime he'd gotten into, but now, that illusion was completely shattered. 

He pulled himself together, switching the TV off and going to bed. If the lingering scent of Callum’s cologne opened the floodgates once more, it was nobody’s business.


End file.
